Dating a super intelligent man

The writing of the books was precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus as I observed them as an advisor and, earlier, indulged in them as a student. Those kids graduate and pretty much continue to have the same dating woes -- only now with fewer single people around who happen to live in the same building and share meals with them every day.

Top 10 Things to Remember While Dating a Highly Intelligent Boy - TopYaps

So if they had challenges then, it gets about 1, times worse once they're tossed from the warm womb of their alma mater. From my observations, the following dating challenges seem to be common to most smart people. In fact, the smarter you are, the more clueless you will be, and the more problems you're going to have in your dating life. Once upon a day I used to be pretty smart, and believe me, I had a lock on clueless.

Top 10 Things to Remember While Dating a Highly Intelligent Boy

On the one hand, this makes no sense. Smart people can figure stuff out, right? And this stuff is simple! On the other hand, it makes total sense. For simple things, it takes someone smart to really screw it up. Smart people spent more time on achievements than on relationships when growing up. Smart kids usually come from smart families. And smart families are usually achievement-oriented.

Bring me home those straight As, son.

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Get into those top colleges, daughter. Take piano, violin, tennis, swimming and Tibetan throat-singing lessons. Win every award there is in the book. Well, you're a talented little bugger. Of course you should develop those talents. At the same time, there's an opportunity cost associated with achievement.

Time spent studying, doing homework, and practicing the violin is time not spent doing other things -- like chasing boys or girls, which turns out is fairly instrumental in making you a well-rounded human. The upshot of all that achievement is that you get into a top college -- congratulations! Dating is at best another extracurricular, number six or number seven down the list, somewhere between Model UN and intramural badminton. I've been co-hosting young alumni events for name-brand schools for long enough to know that these kids come out a little lopsided which sounds so much better than "socially awkward," don't you think?

All they need is a little tune up, or a little dating textbook like The Tao of Dating for Women or The Tao of Dating for Men , to get them going -- plus a little practice. Of course, as noted above, things only get worse once you graduate. And if you're frustrated with your love life, you just might try to compensate by working harder and achieving even more to fill that void. Left untreated, this condition can go on for decades.

I know people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who still haven't figured out how to create an intimate connection with another human being. Smart people feel that they're entitled to love because of their achievements. For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly-meritocratic universe: If they work hard, they get good results or, in the case of really smart folks, even if they don't work hard, they still get good results.

Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents. So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way. The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls or boys will like me. Please say I'm right, because I've spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating this mental jewelry, and I'm going to be really bummed if you tell me it's not going to get me laid.

Well, it's not going to get you laid, brother or sister. It may get you a first date, but it's probably not going to get you a second date. And it certainly won't bring you lasting love and fulfillment. Your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel.


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And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare. In other words, you need to earn love or at least lust. Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment or put-down , giving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy. I wrote a whole page book about that, so that's a story for a different day.


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You don't feel like a fully-realized sexual being and therefore don't act like one. At some point in your life, you got pegged as a smart person. From then on, that was your principal identity: Especially if you had a sibling who was better looking than you, in which case she or he was The Pretty One. Now you could be absolutely stunning in which case you're both smart AND pretty and everyone hates you except for me -- call me, like, immediately , but your identity is still bound up in being The Smart One.

Listed below are the top 10 things you should remember when dating a highly intelligent boy:. However, an intelligent boy can be somewhat over-competitive. Should a situation like this arise, you know what to do!

5 Reasons Why Smart People Suck at Dating

An intelligent boy has probably worked on his mind for years. He might have read tonnes of books, written hundreds of articles or created something unique and special from his imagination. Therefore, if he performs worse than an average boy when it comes to physical strength — just chill and focus on the positives. An intelligent boy is good at one subject or the other. If you feel bored with his expert-talk, just let him know.


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He is intelligent, remember? If you both are in the same profession, he might have a tendency to prove himself superior to you. You need to carefully watch out for snobbery but at the same time, avoid provocative discussions, especially controversial topics related to the field of knowledge or profession you two belong to. Such a behavior is not very common but yes, it can be abrupt. Intelligent people are not perfect at everything. Excuse him and change the subject.

He needs your help — help him, and help yourself. You must not try to change yourself to make yourself fit for him. Do everything you can to look beautiful and avoid spilling nonsense that generally goes down perfectly well with average guy but do NOT try to be someone you are not.

10. Do not compete; it’s not a race:

Smart and intelligent guys are really good when it comes to logical conversations. They can pass on perfect arguments and supply huge chunks of information. However, these conversations are not going to help you take a relationship to the next level.